Monday, April 22, 2013

25 Years Later, Looking Back on a Miscarriage

Twenty-five years ago today...

I miscarried our second baby at six weeks.

I wrote about this five years ago and a relative told me how much it meant to her, since she had just experienced a miscarriage herself.  Here is an updated version of it...


Several of my dear friends have had miscarriages in the past year or so. I know at least a little of how they feel, because I miscarried our second baby on April 22, 1988, when our oldest was about ten months old. 

I remember my friend Darlene warning me, "You may feel fine now, but in a couple of weeks you might have a hormonal backlash. You may feel really horrible for a while, but it's normal. Don't think you are going crazy." I'm not sure I believed her at the time, but she was right. Two weeks after my miscarriage, my emotions went wild for several days. I was edgy and angry, like a monster case of PMS. So when I hear of a mama who has had a miscarriage, I pass along that helpful tip. Most of the women I have talked to have confirmed it to be true. If you have a miscarriage or stillbirth, do allow yourself to grieve your loss, even as you learn to accept it. Get your rest. Your body and soul need it. 

If you have lost a little one, I also encourage you to be comforted by the testimonies and counsel of others who know what it is like. You can find many web sites and books on the topic of pregnancy loss. I find that even now, I have a very soft spot in my heart for wee little children and their mommies. When I see them suffer in any way, it pulls at my heartstrings. And I still grieve the miscarriage now and then. I don't think about it often anymore, but when I do, I allow myself to feel it and to receive God's comfort. As I was thinking about writing this article, I couldn't sleep. I got up early in the morning and paced the kitchen floor, weeping. But it is a good kind of mourning, the kind that knows joy will come again. I will hold my little one in Heaven, where he or she is already safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to catch up! That's the truth about God's grace! 

Bolivia Trip #2, 2009 
And there was joy after our mourning. Just under a year later, our second daughter made her grand debut, followed by eight more children after that. I thank God for granting me this precious baby just a year after my loss and growing her up into such a lovely young woman.   I realize that if I hadn't lost our second pregnancy, this daughter would never have been born, and she is a treasure.  She has a very soft spot in her heart for people who are suffering.  She and her husband are active in ministry to the homeless in Orlando and to impoverished regions of Bolivia, where they are leading a short term missions team this summer.  (It will be her fifth trip there.)

Not every grieving mommy will have another baby.  I can't promise sunshine and roses.  The ache may linger for a lifetime.  But God knows the End from the Beginning. We can trust him to work out all the details in between. 

Grace and peace,

Virginia Knowles


  1. Thank you for this. It really was helpful to read. I suffered a miscarriage last year, and it was very difficult. Among other things, boy do I wish someone had warned me about that hormone backlash! I had no idea and it really took me for a loop.

  2. This is so beautiful, and speaks a great testimony for others to hear.

    Growing up, I never realized how common miscarriages seem to be. I just thought it happened once in an unfortunate while. (You can thank the media for that.)

    I am unmarried; I've never had children, and have never lost one. But I am close friends with a woman who has lost many children through miscarriages. It was shortly after I befriended her did I experience her losing a child.

    Because of that experience, my heart grieves differently now for women with loss. I have a new compassion and as much understanding that a person like myself can have for a grieving mother.

    We're praying that the Lord might bless her with a child in the future. She has four other blessings that help keep her going, and the Lord is always there.

    Thank you for sharing your story. The Lord works in amazing ways.

  3. 8 months ago today my tiny still daughter was born, she was only 2 1/2 ozs but completely perfect. Oh, the ups and downs I've been through! I wont say it has gotten easier....just different. Through this loss I have been burdened for other angel moms and started Angel Blankets to make sure every momma has a little something to hold on to. ( )
    Our angel is going to be a big sister in about 11 wks.!

  4. The fact that God knows the End from the Beginning has carried me through a lot of times.

    God bless you for sharing!

    (Stopping by from Wise Woman Link-Up)

  5. I miscarried over 25 years ago and still I remember. I now have four children (ages 23, 19, 18 and 12) and a one-year-old grandaughter. God is good. Blessings to you.

  6. I hope this is a comfort to those who have miscarried. Thanks for linking up over at WholeHearted Home.

  7. Thank you for your kind comments and stories, ladies.

    Bec, what a sweet idea to comfort other moms!

  8. I've miscarried several times and you offered very wise advice in encouraging women going through it to allow themselves to grieve. I'm grateful to you for sharing your story and linking it up last week