Friday, September 30, 2011

"A Significant Purpose" from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel


“A Significant Purpose”

Thanks for continuing to read my series on Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel.  I’m really encouraged by the notes I’ve received in my inbox since I began it, including two very sweet ones from Dr. Kimmel’s Family Matters ministry staff.  I know from reading the feedback that some of you have been deeply wounded by legalism, and others admit that they have hurt their own children unwittingly with their lack of grace in parenting.  I am right there with you.  I am learning new truths about grace even after nearly a quarter century of parenting 10 children.  Sometimes I feel like I’m starting over at Kindergarten.  So let’s all pray for each other, shall we?

These brief reflections barely touch the surface of the book.  I hope you will order your own copy from either the Family Matters bookstore or from Christian Book Distributors.

If you would like to read my thoughts on the first three chapter, you can find them here: 



Chapter 4 of Grace Based Parenting covers the second deep need of children, “A Significant Purpose.”  It opens with a gripping story from the movie October Sky.  (I’m going to have to watch that soon!)  Homer Hickam is growing up in a West Virginia coal mining town when the news of the Soviet satellite Sputnik rocks the world.  To the townsfolk, who had been programmed for decades to “think small”, this harbinger of Russian domination brings gloom and defeat.  To Homer, hope for his own future.  “Homer Hickam had seen what the mine could do to a man”: black lung disease, ruined families, a graceless angry father who refused to see the potential for his son to doing something more.  Homer believed “that he was put on the earth for something different, something strategic.”  So he and his buddies became obsessed with learning about rocketry and eventually won a national science competition.  His father was bitterly disappointed in his quest – at first.  Fortunately, he had a change of heart that spurred his son on to getting an advanced education and joining NASA as part of the team that sent astronauts into space.

With this story, Dr. Kimmel reminds us that “There is a deep longing in the heart of every child to ‘make a difference’ … They weren’t born to be common denominators or mere faces in the crowd.  That’s why tyrannical governments get so little out of their people.  God didn’t create us to ignore our potential or abandon our dreams.  He meant for us to be free so that we could pursue our potential with abandon.  Despots, and the oppression that often accompanies them, insult God by refusing to create the environment that encourages potential to take root and grow.  Tyrannical families blunt potential, too.  So do preoccupied families and indifferent families and lazy families.  Our children deserve better.  God has left us as stewards of our children’s gifts and skills.  Just as God has given us a chance to send our children into the future with a secure love, He has also given us the opportunity to send our children into the future with a significant purpose.’”

Product DetailsAnother old movie that Dr. Kimmel mentions is Mr. Holland’s Opus, the story of a man who had great dreams of becoming a composer, but takes a job as a high school band director to pay the bills.  He fails to realize what an impact he has on his students as he launches them into their own fulfilled potentials – until the dramatic end of the film when “what goes around comes around”!

If our children don’t have a significant purpose, they might end up with an underdeveloped purposed, growing old without any sense of making a difference or measuring up to expectations.  Or they might have a revengeful purpose, trying to achieve their dreams as a means of getting back at parents who told them they couldn’t.  Or they might have a wasted purpose, never coming close to tapping their own potential or finding their niche.

That’s not what I want for my kids.  I want to help them find their purpose at several levels that Dr. Kimmel outlines: 

First, they must find a general purposeof revering God, gaining wisdom, working hard, and serving others.  This is foundational character for all people, young and old.  Some of us are still playing catch-up in these areas, but we need to develop these qualities in our own lives, so it will be natural to pass them on to our children.  Next, we help them discover a specific purpose consistent with their skills and abilities.  That doesn’t mean that they focus only on one or two key talents.  They need to be well-rounded with many abilities while honing their special skills.  Children also need a relational purpose  by learning “how to love, how to be forthright, how to be transparent with close friends, how to confront, and how to forgive.”  Finally, the ultimate relationship we can have is with God, so we cannot neglect spiritual purpose.  (See Shiela Catanzarite’s article “Teaching Our Children to Walk with God.”) This is an often neglected priority!    Do they know the deep love of God, and does it make a difference to them?  Do they realize that they can be the salt of the earth and the light of the world?  Are they faithful to use the gifts that God has entrusted to them?

So how do we build this sense of purpose in our children?

Children feel significant when they are regularly affirmed.  A sweet grandmother recently told me how important it is for children to feel esteemed, and it’s true.  I think many Christian parents, wanting to teach their children humility, pass on what I call “the worm mentality.”  They hammer home the point that we are despicable sinners incapable of anything good, and forget the part about being wondrous creations of a loving Father, equipped for worthy deeds.  We can spend so much time trying to fine-tune them through constant correction that we neglect to empower them with sincere and significant encouragement.  I’m not talking about flattery or empty compliments.  They see through that, and it doesn’t prepare them well for the real world where praise is based on actual effort and achievement. “Affirmation catches your children doing something right.  It notices when they do things you know don’t come easy to them.  It applauds them when they fix a wrong or dig themselves out of a hole they’ve made (like bringing up a poor grade).  It thanks them for living out their moral principles and being willing to stand alone for their convictions.”  Yet we so often nullify encouragement with criticism, especially in the challenging teen years.

Children feel significant when they know they have our attention.  Jesus noticed kids – and encouraged his followers to welcome them.  As parents, “we need to have a working knowledge of our children’s likes and dislikes, their friends and their detractors, and the big things and little things that matter most in their lives.”

Children feel significant when they are gracefully admonished.  Yes, we need rules, moral guidelines, and consequences as we raise children.  And yes, our children will still succumb to sin in many ways in the process of learning to appropriately guard their hearts.  When they do sin, they need our gracious response instead of our harsh or fearful reaction.  The result of careful, firm, loving discipline is found in Hebrews 12:11 – “yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

Dr. Kimmel closes this chapter by reminding parents: “It’s almost mystifying but it’s true.  We matter more to our kids than we realize.  They were born with a need to make a difference.  For good or for ill, we play the biggest role in determining what kind of difference they will ultimately make.”

~*~*~

I have shared with you some of the thoughts from the book, and now, as I did for the last chapter, I’d like to extend that with some reflections of my own.

Over the past few years, one of my themes for research and writing has been abuse of authority in churches and homes, especially as related to the home schooling movement.  Tragically, there is no shortage of blogs written by young people who have been deeply hurt by the control and legalism they were raised with.  One of the best is by a group of people who had been raised in Bill Gothard’s ATI and IBLP programs.  They write at www.recoveringgrace.org, which is an excellent resource.  (Other blogs are written by mothers like Karen Campbell at www.thatmom.comwho are waking up to the damage they have caused in their own homes and want to spare other moms from hitting the same potholes.) Some of the young people have broken ties with their families.  Others have left the Christian faith entirely.  My counselor, whose own five children were home schooled when they were younger, tells me that based on his observations, more young people rebel against faith and family because of legalism than from secular influences.  That is one reason that I am starting to speak out more boldly as an insider who has “been there, done that and lived to tell the story.”  You can read many of my thoughts on this topic at one of my other blogs, www.watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com.

It also reminds me of the lyrics of “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay.  First verse:  
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own


Pride goes before a fall.  Despots will meet their due, whether in government or parenting.  And true leaders empower those who are in their care.  They equip them to succeed rather than intimidate them with fear just to remain in control.  This also reminds me of one of my favorite children’s picture books, The Rebellious Alphabet by Chilean exile Jorge Diaz.  The tyrannical but illiterate Little General meets his match in book-and-liberty-loving Placido and his unusually talented canaries.

It has actually been really fun to see my older children blossom, to launch them into amazing adventures where fear could have prevented us from sending them.  You might like to read some posts about mission trips my daughters Mary, Julia, Rachel and Joanna took as teens and young adults: 




As I type these words, I am sitting in an auditorium waiting for a Broadway Night production at my fifth daughter’s high school.  Lydia is singing “A New Life” from the musical Jekyll and Hyde.  As I’ve been listening to her rehearse the lyrics, I’ve been struck with how well they mesh with the theme of much of this Grace Based Parenting book: the need for love, purpose, hope.  (Later note: It was a terrific performance – but unfortunately her accompaniment track stopped short and after several more lines of beautifully sung fluster, she did too.  I am so proud of how she handled this disappointment – with good humor!  I’ll try to post video later, but here is a verse from the lyrics that speaks about purpose: 
A new start -
That's the thing I need, 
To give me new heart -
Half a chance in life 
To find a new part, 
Just a simple role  
That I can play.

There is much more I could write about raising kids with purpose, but I’ll have to pass right now because this post is getting long and my time is getting short!  But you are more than welcome to browse around on my blogs, www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com, www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com, www.startwellhomeschool.blogspot.com, www.continuewellhomeschool.blogspot.com,  www.finishwellhomeschool.blogspot.comand www.watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com.

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles

Thursday, September 22, 2011

“A Secure Love” from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel


“A Secure Love” from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel

Hello again!  Welcome back (or for the first time) to my series of reflections on the book  Grace Based Parenting: Set Your Family Free by Dr. Tim Kimmel.  






“A Secure Love” is the third chapter of the book.  You can read my other posts here: 
In the opening chapters, Dr. Kimmel reminds us that children need three main things to flourish in life: a secure love, a significant purpose, and a strong hope.  Then he devotes a chapter to each one.  Today, we’re talking about the first of the three, secure love.  Our example to follow is God the Father, who pursued us with compassion and grace, even when we had sinned.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God… This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”  (1 John 4:7-11)

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?... In all these things are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31b-32, 37-39)

As parents, we all want to love our children.  But saying we love them, and even doing things to communicate that to them is not quite enough.  They need to know that we will love them no matter what, even when it is inconvenient, when they are ungrateful, or when it costs us greatly.  They should not have to compete against our hobbies or careers for our attention, or feel like they have to earn our love through performance.

“Love is the commitment of my will
to your needs and best interests,
regardless of the cost.”

We make decisions based on our covenants and priorities, so we need to carefully consider and meet the actual needs of our children.  This doesn’t mean that we give them everything they want, side with them when they are wrong, or shield them from reasonable consequences.  This would be catering to selfishness, not need.

Dr. Kimmel uses 3 “A” words to remind us that children feel secure and loved then they are accepted as they are, affiliated with a loving and honoring family, and when they receive regular and generous helpings of affection.

So we don’t want to subject them to a barrage of nitpicking criticism, or put them down because they are curious, excited, helpless, or absent-minded.  We don’t want to tease them for how they look or what is happening to their growing bodies.  Instead, we must learn to cherish and steward their unique personalities, gifts, and dreams.  And we must remember that “God has hard-wired our skin to our souls… With rare exceptions, children are especially responsive to meaningful tender touch.”

So far, I’ve mainly recounted what Dr. Kimmel has said, but I would like to extend this to a few related reflections of my own.

~*~*~

I have always loved the stories in Matthew 19:13-14 and Mark 9:33-37 of how Jesus took the children in his arms and blessed them and how he encouraged adults to receive the children “like this.”  It’s more our attitude than the exact action that counts.  For example, some of my children prefer not to be hugged or kissed quite as much but they still need for me to convey my attitude of affection.  Instead, I might give them a pat or rub on the back, or an air kiss and a big smile from across the room, or simply a spoken, “I love you and I’m so proud of you.”   I don’t stop the affection when they leave home and can’t see us in person.  There is always the phone, e-mail, and Skype to keep us connected.

It’s has often been said that kids need a firm foundation of secure love from their parents so that they won’t go looking for counterfeit substitutes, such as twisted people who will take advantage of a young person’s emotional need for their own selfish gain, or well-meaning but misguided peers who will take them down moral paths they shouldn’t go.  I am not saying that we should be the only ones who love our children, the only ones they should trust. Part of healthy parenthood is launching them into nurturing relationships with others outside our family.  That’s an essential for their future marriages – leaving us and cleaving to their spouse.  And certainly everyone needs good friends and a good faith-family (church and Christian organizations) to supplement what we have already given them in our homes.  But it starts at home.  That’s the foundation.  If they lack a secure love from us, they are starting off at a serious disadvantage.  So are they going to learn what a healthy relationship looks like in the workshop of our family life, or find it out by trial and error? 

I think back on my own relationships, not only as a child or teen but into adulthood.   Yes, I was burned a few times by people who claimed to love me.  However, I have also been quite blessed by those who really did. The family and friends I have bonded with most closely are the ones who have expressed unconditional acceptance to me by their words or actions.  I can tell them anything and know they will still stick with me no matter what.  I can trust them.  But they don’t just put up with me and my "life messes" out of a sense of duty.  I’m not their pity project, but their authentic friend. They also affirm the good things they see in my life and cheer me on toward greatness.  They make me feel special and valued for who God made me to be.  They are lifelong friends, lifelong gifts to me.

My grandmother, parents, brother, sister, and I
I am fortunate as an adult to have that kind of relationship with my own parents, siblings, and extended family. Though they live several hundreds of miles away from me, I try to see them as often as I can.  I particularly treasure a memory of my father from about a year ago.   I was agitated, fearful, and feeling very devalued.  As soon as he saw this, he knelt down by my chair to comfort and encourage me.  His quiet yet powerful words infused me with honor, worth, courage, purpose, and hope.  And he followed up on that with other conversations and with sacrificial actions.  His tenderness and commitment toward me then nearly brings me to tears even now.   My father is not a religious man and there are many areas where we don’t see eye to eye, but I know he loves me no matter what our differences.  The love I receive from him and from my sweet mother is a secure love.  That’s the legacy I want to give my own children.

Some other articles you might want to read:

Driveway Delight by Carol Barnier at www.Sizzlebopblog.wordpress.com, “Where Highly Distractible People are Celebrated, Encouraged & Empowered

Tender Compassion for Mothers by Virginia Knowles

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"The Truth Behind Grace" from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel


Dear friends,

Welcome to my reflections on chapter 2 of Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel.  You might also enjoy reading my introduction, chapter 1, Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short, or chapter 3, “A Secure Love”.

When writing a persuasive essay or preparing for a debate, students are taught to examine possible objections to their premise.  The purpose is so that they can effectively address them and convince their audiences that their viewpoint is still valid despite the contrary concerns.  That is what this chapter does.

I know the objections that come up when Christians start talking about “living by grace” and protesting legalism.  Beyond the realm of parenting, this theology of grace has been a paramount one for me in recent years. It is even what led our family to leave a church where it was a personal struggle for me to consistently experience grace where there seemed to be an over-emphasis on mortifying indwelling sin.  Our explorations into the nature of grace have also led us to a lot of soul searching about how we raise and relate to our children.  I wish I could say this has been an easy process, but unfortunately, there is a lot of misunderstanding about grace.

Here is the main objection to “living by grace”:  If we focus on God’s grace too much, we will use it as an excuse to not pursue holy living.  We will just assume that since God forgives us, we can do whatever we want and then tell him we’re sorry.  Or, applying this to parenting, we can let our children do whatever they want and call it “grace” and not hold them to godly standards.  That’s why we hear complaints about “greasy grace” or “cheap grace” that doesn’t require repentance or life change.

So how does Dr. Kimmel answer this objection?  He acknowledges that it can be valid and then elaborates on that by taking us to the life of Jesus.  “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”   He reminds us that grace and truth are inseparable, “two parts that make up a single whole.”  We cannot ignore the moral claims of the Bible, the truth that confronts our hearts and draws us to repentance.  He agrees that using grace as an excuse to sin is a serious problem, and describes a family where he has seen that sad dynamic. As he says, “A family without clearly defined rules and standards can never be a grace-based family.  It’s too busy being a nightmare to live in.”

Real grace actually calls us to a higher standard because our hearts are changed. We have a new motivation: not performance to gain acceptance, but gratitude and love which flow from acceptance that we already have in Christ.  We want to be like him because we adore who he is.   We willingly embrace grace as our tutor.  “It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people who are his very own, eager to do what is good.”(Titus 2:11-14)

After addressing how true grace changes lives, Dr. Kimmel reinforces his chapter 1 caution about parenting without grace.  He warns against using Scripture to pistol-whip kids into submission, citing “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) and “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).

My daughter with her little guy
We need warm and strong relationships with our children that will empower them to live for Jesus, not ego-fueled power struggles that break down their spirits and beat down motivation.  We need to follow the example of God, who is “a graceful Father who cherishes his children and treats them in a way that draws them to His heart and the safety and security of His everlasting arms.” 

As I think about what Dr. Kimmel has said, I ponder about how often parents misrepresent the character of God.   If a child is treated harshly by his parents, it’s a stumbling block toward how he views God.  He might still make the mental assertion that “God is good, God is kind, God is patient, God is loving, God is forgiving,” because that has been what he's been told in words but if he sees the exact opposite in how his parents relate to him, his heart will be screaming a different message.  I personally don’t want my mothering to cause this kind of cognitive dissonance in my children.  I know I’ll never be a perfect representation, and they don’t expect that. 

Grandma loves you!
When they were babies, my little chant to them was, “Mommy loves you and Daddy loves you, but Jesus loves you so much more!”  Or, “I haven’t been very patient and kind with you today, but God is always patient and kind.”  On the other hand, I don’t want to represent God as a pushover either.  My children need to learn to be patient and kind, too, and I am responsible for teaching them. As Dr. Kimmel notes, "Home has got to be a place where our children are safe from the traps of the world and assured that they have parents who won't surrender God's standards -- even to them." So I can also tell them: 
  • “No, I’m not going to back off!  I want you to succeed in life, and this kind of behavior is only going to bring you down. I love you so much that I can’t let you get away with this.”
  • “Let's take a look at those song lyrics.  Does this kind of foul language really help you appreciate and love God's holiness more -- or not?"  
  • "No matter what he says or does or how you feel about it, you may not hit your brother.  Be kind!”
  • “Hand me the iPod and get back to your math!  I don’t want you to get into a frantic crunch when it’s time to turn in your assignment.”
  • “You may not yell at me to help you with your math problem when I'm working with your sister. You can be patient and wait your turn.  See if you can do other problems on this page until then.”
  • “You do not need to let your sister’s words control your attitude.  The good news is that you have a choice and you can change.  You can choose to be calm instead of angry.” 
Grace or truth? Yes.  Both.  That is true grace.  That is gracious truth.  And that makes for a happier home.


My daughter's sweet rendition of a happy home!
I love the sunshine and rainbow!

I leave you with some words from Abbé de Tourville about education, which applies to parenting as well.

Set aside everything which might make you at all touchy or timid and let all your qualities of goodwill, frankness and simplicity shine forth in your dealings with every one you meet.  Never mind how different their characters and way of life may be, for our Lord desires us to behave thus even to the unrighteous which would otherwise be difficult... 

Encourage with discretion all that is good in your pupils; let them feel your support without being embarrassed or hampered by it.  Education, as the very word shows, means helping someone to develop himself, to draw out all that is good in him.  It is the greatest of all benefits.  That too is the meaning of the expression to direct¸ direction.  Unless interpreted in this sense, I like the word formation less; it seems to me to carry the suggestion of a preconceived form into which one is to force people whether they like it or not.  But people do not lend themselves to this kind of treatment and so the form remains empty.



Other posts in this series:


Introduction
Chapter 1: Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short
Chapter 3: “A Secure Love”
Chapter 4: "A Significant Purpose" 

You may also wish to read these posts:
Blessings,
Virginia Knowles

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

"Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short" from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel

"Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short" from Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel


Dear friends,


I mentioned in yesterday’s introductory post that I am starting a new series of reflections on Dr. Tim Kimmel’s book Grace Based Parenting: Set Your Family Free.  I am going to do this chapter by chapter, and here’s the first installment!  If you would like to see all posts in this new category, click here: Reflections on Grace Based Parenting Book.

In this first chapter, “Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short,” Kimmel lays out what he feels is the trouble with much of modern Christian parenting.  It is not filled with dire statistics but solid principles and observations.

Dr. Kimmel uses a very apt word picture to describe the dilemma we often find ourselves in. He says that raising children is like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle with no edge pieces, no cover picture, and a handful of pieces from a different puzzle thrown in to confuse us. To unpack his metaphor, it is hard to parent in a culture that values no moral boundaries and that refuses to follow the parenting picture that the Bible has laid out for us, but that another huge challenge is extra man-made standards thrown into the mix by those who claim to know what is best for all children.

He acknowledges that some Christian parents have given up on standards or Scripture, preferring to feel good rather than do good. However in this chapter, it seems like his primary concern is parents who are too controlling and restrictive, who have lost sight of grace. Christians who fearfully withdraw from culture lose out on their privilege of "being porch lights in the darkness" and this affects our children's ability to sense the active presence and power of God.  Ironically, we often lose our children by holding on too tight. 
   
No wonder we lose our way when our maps are wrong. When we raise our kids based on fear, behavior modification, control, image, what others are doing, or in reaction to crises we are facing – where is the joy and peace in that? And, bottom line, where is the lasting success? Kids who grow up in these kinds of home environments are at a distinct disadvantage. Their faith and convictions will be shallow and apathetic, more concerned with outward appearances than a deep inward maturity or a passion for Christ. They will feel intimidated and confused by the world around them, unable to navigate with true wisdom and confidence. They will feel stressed by an unhealthy sense of guilt and inadequacy, always struggling to “do it right” so their parents will approve, or failing that, rebelling against these expectations and values as being unreasonable.

What is the alternative? Parents who model a vibrant, trusting, and joyful relationship with Christ. Parents who rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit in making decisions for their own families. Parents who apply firm and sensible standards in affirming ways. Parents who see their children as incredible treasures from God, uniquely created to be uniquely loved. Parents who are quick to extend mercy and forgiveness. Parents who see life as a grand adventure. Parents who nurture rather than control. Parents who set their families free with GRACE.

In order to do this, we need to be aware of three driving needs that children have – needs that we parents have too! These are:
  • a secure love
  • a significant purpose
  • and a strong hope
I’m looking forward to reading the chapters on each of these!  In the meantime, I leave you with a quote from the last page of this chapter:

“As your children see you meeting your need for love, purpose and hope through your abiding relationship with Christ, your example will put power and authenticity behind your words.”

Amen!

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

P.S. As a reminder, you can read all posts in this Grace Based Parenting series here or read individual ones by clicking on these links:

Chapter 2: "The Truth Behind Grace"
Chapter 3: “A Secure Love”
Chapter 4: "A Significant Purpose" 

Monday, September 5, 2011

New Series Coming: Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel

Hello friends!


In coming weeks, I'm going to be sharing what I'm gleaning from a book called Grace Based Parenting: Set Your Family Free by Dr. Tim Kimmel. (You can click on that title to see the book at Christian Book Distributors.  It will let you look inside, too!) The book comes highly recommended by many people I respect, and I found a  used copy of it a couple of months ago so I couldn't pass it up.  In fact, just this morning I just saw a very favorable mention of it by Wendy Alsup in her post The Myth of the Biblical Parenting Method.  Karen Campbell at http://www.thatmom.com/ also gives it five stars in her review.


While I will be reading the book on my own and taking notes on each of the 11 chapters to share with you, my husband and I are also planning to go through it together.  We both realize how much we need grace in our family -- and how often we have detoured away from it with rigid expectations and frustration.


If you would like to read it at the same time I am writing my posts, grab your own copy here, and you can add your comments as we go along!  I'd love a little company on the journey!  And if you've already read it and want to offer your own opinion about it, leave a comment on this post!



As I post each article, I will link it right here. 





Chapter 4: "A Significant Purpose" 


You can visit Dr. Kimmel's web site at:



You may also wish to read/view articles and videos about parenting with grace at: