Friday, September 13, 2019

Lessons for Me at 56


Lessons for Me at 56

I turned 56 last weekend! My birthday wasn’t much hoopla coming the day after my daughter’s wedding and a few days after a near miss with Hurricane Dorian. I enjoyed going out to lunch with four of my kids, and tomorrow night I’ll have a belated birthday dinner with another daughter’s family. Besides that, I think what I really enjoyed was all of the Facebook greetings from friends and family near and far. I also loved editing and uploading wedding photos. I'll do a blog post with those later, when the professional ones are officially in. The picture at the top of this post was at my friend Sunny's house after she did my hair and makeup for the wedding. Love it!

I’m learning so much at 56. I always do, at any age. I don’t ever want to be closed off, stagnant. I always want to be able to say, “This Mom grows up!” like the title of this blog. So, in that spirit, here are some things I’m personally musing about. Let’s start with what I posted on FB in the wee hours of my birthday:
It’s midnight and officially my 56th birthday. Here’s my thought tonight: figure out what you think is a worthy goal, what’s really most important to your life. Then go for it - and try to work all the other things around it. I think you may be amazed at how everything can fit together with prayer, planning, preparation, patience, and partnership. Another thing: situations can change for you unexpectedly, serendipitously. Be open to new possibilities, new goals, new adventures. We can’t always see the end from the beginning. What we can do is choose to move forward through little and big decisions every day.
When we are living authentically, we are free to take risks and offer ourselves outward. We can walk with joy and confidence. I loved the sermon that Father Tom preached the day after my birthday. He stood near the pulpit holding a fish bowl with water, a fake plant...and no fish. His kids had recently had a beta fish in it, but beta fish don’t play well with others. So they live by themselves in a little glass bowl until they die. And too many of us are just like that, isolated and self-protective within the walls we build to keep others out and keep our own stuff to ourselves. We need to get out of the bowl and experience the abundant life that God intended for us as his disciples - giving ourselves away for the kingdom in the big world outside our doors.

I wish I'd gotten a picture of my pastor with the fishbowl, but maybe this will get the same concept across. I took my daughter to the zoo the other day. We were in the herpetarium building with the reptiles. Turning the corner to the copperhead snake enclosure, I was so startled to see this instead: a man with a paintbrush in this hand, sitting wedged in behind the glass, working in rather cramped quarters. Good thing there was no snake in there with him, but I'll bet it felt good to get out of there and go on with his day!

Just that morning, I'd taken my teen son to school and stopped at Red Bug Lake Park on the way home. I love to get out in nature and see the beauty of God's handiwork along the boardwalk and the pond there. Such infinite variety, all dwelling together in the same habitat. We humans, though so different from one another, dwell together too. Thinking of this, as well as Tom's sermon, I know we are all created for connection in some way. Yet each of us connects differently due to our own unique personalities. This can be so tricky, but we can learn to respect the dignity and liberty of others, to value and honor them in a way that’s good for them and good for us. It takes patient communication to clear up mixed signals and work out misunderstandings.







Imagine then, how I was struck by these sentences yesterday morning when I read Dallas Willard’s Knowing Christ Today as an assignment for my seminary class Gospel Catechesis:

"We may wish to be loving—to be kind and helpful in our relations to those near us. But we do not trust love, and we think it could easily ruin our carefully guarded hold on life. We are frightened of the world we are in, and that makes us angry and hostile, and contempt makes it easier to harm or disregard the good of others…. It takes little intelligence to know that to live in love is the morally good and right way to live. But entering into and growing in love—actually being it and doing it in the context of real life—is quite another matter. Many misunderstandings of what love is have to be worked through before one can come to peace in it. Evil has a vested interest in confusing and distorting love. Above all, one has to find by thought and experience that love can be trusted as a way of life... Love is not God, but God is love. It is who he is, his very identity. And our world under a God like that is a place where it is safe to do and be what is good and what is right. Living in love as Jesus defines it by his words and deeds is the sure way to know Christ in the modern world. On the other hand, if you are not reconciled to living in love as the center of your life, and actually living that way, any knowledge you may have of Christ will be shallow and shaky at best.” 
And so we love sincerely, even when it means putting ourselves out there not knowing what will happen next. We can genuinely care for others, open our hearts and hands without agenda or expectation. We extend ourselves in friendship. We make the connections, even when it’s complicated. 



Can I tell you how much it means to me that others have done this for me? That others are willing to stay in it with this quirky middle-aged single mom of many: listening well, making space, offering their insight and inspiration with integrity - that is such a gift. I don't always get to see people face to face, but phone, email, Facebook Messenger, and texts all work well enough for me when I can't talk in person. I love the ongoing conversations, a little snippet here, a little snatch there, that turn into so much. 

My sister, dad, teen and adult kids, and several sweet friends have all blessed me just in the past few days. My friend Karen messaged me this morning that she was giving me a Spiritual Middle Name: Resilience. I'll take that! 

Resilience! Yes!

A few days ago, I jotted in my journal some encouraging thoughts related to resiliently navigating through life.
Let your life unfold in God’s time. Enjoy the process. Life is like a game of chess. (What I meant here is that we lose some pieces of ourselves, and move around in unexpected ways, sometimes feeling cornered. We may or may not even win this match. But still we play. Which brings to mind another phrase that’s been rattling around in my mind: “Play hard or go home.”) 
Whatever happens, real life holds incredible blessings better than any fairy tale. You can live in God’s embrace. 
You will learn and grow into genuine maturity. You will earn trust and respect.
You have so many things to do in life right now, and some of them will prepare you for the future in the areas where you are not yet ready.
Your life is incredibly complicated. Honor that. Identify the obstacles that are keeping you from moving forward with your goals, and start to dismantle and disentangle them. It needs to be done anyway.

In what ways are you prepared to sacrifice? What are you willing to cut back or give up to reach your goals? How do you prudently practice self-care? How do you need to change your habits?

Keep praying boldly, with an open and devoted heart, fully yielded to God.
Take the long view. Your life is an epic novel, not a short story. 

And that last one is so true. I don't know what's coming in the next chapters of my life throughout and beyond my seminary years. It may be beautiful. It may be painful. It may be both at the same time. Bittersweet.

My sweet mother had been planning a trip to Europe with my father, and wanted to be able to travel comfortably. So she had back surgery in 2013, but died from a  MERSA infection that she contracted in the hospital. I miss her so much. I determined to live my life well, and do some of the things she loved to do. A few years later, I traveled to Switzerland and Paris with my daughter when she was presenting at a mental health conference in Geneva. My mother had also taken each of my first eight children on a trip of their choice when they were around 12 or 13. My ninth child was ten when Grandma passed away, but I promised him he'd get a "Grandma trip" anyway. He finally flew to New York City this morning with one of his travel-loving older sisters. I drove them to the airport and then stopped at Cracker Barrel on the way home just because I love their gift shop. I can always find something there to beautify and inspire my day. I bought this candle and mug as belated birthday presents for myself. For all things I can give thanks! I can enjoy every little thing and I am clothed with strength & dignity so I can laugh without fear at the future. Can I get an amen to that?


Thanks for reading this! I'd love to hear what you think!

You might enjoy posts I've written on my other blogs recently, as well as several of my poems related to the themes in this post.

Recent posts:
Related poems:

Grace and peace and love to all of you,

Virginia Knowles

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