Mt. Washmore (Laundry for a Large Family)

Dear friends,


I love the blog Cheaper by a Baker's Dozen that Debbie Pittman writes.  This lady is hilarious.  Debbie is the mother of 11, six of them by adoption.  This morning, she tackled the topic of  Mega Laundry Solutions.  Go take a look -- it will be well worth your time!  She also links to "laundry for large family" posts by several other bloggers.



Meanwhile, I remembered, as I was putting a load of linens into my own washer this morning, a section of a chapter in my first book The Real Life Home School Mom all about laundry.  So here we go!  I definitely need the refresher course since we always seem to have laundry waiting in baskets to be put away.  I think I'm going to try Debbie's tips on doing all the laundry every day and putting the clothes in labeled dish pans for the kids to put away.


Three other related posts from this blog and my main one...

• My Glorious Dishtowel

• Doing the Wash: Grandmother’s “Receet”

• And You Wonder What I Do All Day?

(Photo below is from this last post!)

Clothing the Lilies of Your Field

            Those lucky lilies!  The flowers of the field are arrayed in dazzling colors with velvety soft textures, and they don't even have to do laundry!  If your house is like mine, clothing care is a never ending job.  Here are a few suggestions to make life easier:

            Equip your laundry area or bedrooms with plenty of containers for sorting dirty clothes.  For several years, we used recycled laundry detergent buckets and labeled them for each child, as well as delicate clothes, linens, white clothes, items to be bleached, etc. Now that we have less space in our laundry area since our garage was converted to a bedroom, storage room and office.  I try to keep minimal dirty laundry out there.  The kids are supposed to bring out their clothes when they are ready to wash, and not let things pile up.   I find that sturdy square laundry baskets are much more practical than the larger rectangular ones because they are easier to carry, especially for young children.   We also use smaller, transportable hampers (rectangular trash baskets) for their dirty clothes in their bedrooms.   We have a small hampers in our dining room and kitchen for dropping in wet rags used for wiping the counters, drying dishes, or cleaning up spills.  These get washed every day!

            Round up all dirty clothes and linens after breakfast.  Then sort them into your bins or baskets, and get the first load going before starting school. Try to put away clean clothes the same day they are washed.  If you do a mixed load of all of your children's laundry every day, they may each have only one or two outfits to put away!  My three sons share a bedroom, and I do all of their laundry at once.  I usually sort the clean clothes into separate baskets for them so they can fold and put away their own stuff.  Otherwise, it takes much longer for them to get it done if they do the sorting themselves.

As soon as your children are able, make them responsible for their own laundry.  You will need to show them which washer and dryer cycles to use, how much detergent to add, how to treat stains, and other specific skills.   Children as young as age two can help fold wash cloths, match socks, and put clothes away. Stock up on a few dozen pairs of identical socks to cut down on sorting.  Equip closets with plastic hangers, low rods, and sturdy plastic boxes to make it easier for them to finish the job.

            Lay out clothes ahead of time when you are going out.  This will cut a lot of frustration as you are trying to get the family out the door for a field trip, co-op classes, or church service.  Ideally, you should lay out clothes, shoes, and hair accessories the night before.   If modesty is an issue at your house, make sure that all clothes are approved my mom or dad, too!

            Find good sources for “recycled” clothing.  Garage sales, consignment shops, friends, and family members are good bets.  When you don't pay full price, you aren't as grieved when an item is damaged, lost, or outgrown.  We often find plastic bags with hand-me-down clothes in them next to our van after church, and we’ve been known to do the same thing for others!  It makes sense!

            Teach your children (and maybe the adults too) a few laundry policies.  Here are a few of ours:

♥   Don't go outside in stocking feet. 

♥   Use towels, pajamas, and sweaters more than once before washing.

♥   Take wet or heavily soiled laundry directly to the laundry area.

♥   Turn items right side out and empty pockets before placing in the hamper.  

♥   Never put crayons in pockets, even for a minute! 

♥   Tell Mom about stains and rips immediately so they can be treated before laundering. 

♥   Use a smock or wear old clothes while doing messy projects. 

♥   When you take out anyone’s laundry from the dryer, make sure that you lay clothing such as nice skirts, pants, and shirts nicely across the top of the basket are on a bed so they won’t get wrinkled.  We also want them to alert the owner that their laundry is out so they can get to it promptly.

Your turn!  What do you do to stay on top of your laundry?

Consider the Camellias

 Dear friends,

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow;

they toil not, neither do they spin:

And yet I say unto you,

that even Solomon in all his glory

was not arrayed like one of these."

Matthew 6:28b-29

I'm trying to train myself

to be aware of my surroundings,

especially all of the little beautiful things

that I tend to forget

in the daily chaos of motherhood.

Camellias only bloom for several weeks each year,

but since our bush is out of sight in the back yard,

I sometimes miss much of the blooming season,

just because I have forgotten to look.

 

So many of the blossoms end up

fallen, unappreciated, wasted...

But when I do remember,

I can bring the beauty inside for all to enjoy,

floating in water in my wedding crystal.

The camellias now share the table with Valentine roses,

which help me rejoice

in my husband's affection

every time I walk through the room.

I made a goal this afternoon

to walk around our yard and pay attention to the flowers.

Some, like this magnolia (from a year gone by)

won't bloom for a while yet. 

I must take notice, look out and up,

or I will miss this beauty too.

This crepe myrtle left behind

brittle brown buds from last season,

a promise of fresh blooms to come.

This year I decided to plant my flowers in pots

given to me by one who cannot tend

her own garden anymore.

Now I can bring them inside during a cold spell.

They are also up closer to eye level,

and protected from the pests and weeds on the ground.

And I can move them from place to place,

wherever their grace is needed at the moment.

These geraniums grace the garden wall.

Pansies are my lifetime favorite flowers

with cheerful little faces.

In Florida, they thrive in cold weather,

but I never remember to buy some

until well into the growing season.

Mine are in matching pots,

each side of the front walkway.

My hardy little azalea bush delivers year after year.

My husband planted star jasmine bushes many years ago,

hedges of privacy and loveliness and sweet aroma.

My daughter Melody,

a beautiful little blossom on Blossom Lane,

or as her shirt proclaims, a Busy Bee.

Who made these flowers and our sweet children?

This beauty?

The Gracious God who created them, he is beauty.

Take time to see and savor him!

"One thing I ask from the LORD,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple."

Psalm 27:4

Blessings,

Virginia Knowles

http://www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com/

A Woman of Beauty

Dear friends,

When I find myself having a “bad hair day,” or I snap at my children, or things just look dreary, I remind myself of what is truly important for a woman of God. The words to this song were inspired by 1 Peter 3 and Proverbs 31.

A Woman of Beauty
by Virginia Knowles

A beautiful woman is quiet in spirit
Gentle in all that she does.
Adorning the inward part
She trusts the Lord with all her heart
She is a woman of beauty!
She is a woman of beauty!


She does not need ornaments of fancy gold
And it's not in how she fixes her hair.
As long as she's clothed in strength and dignity,
It doesn't matter what else she wears.


A beautiful woman is quiet in spirit
Gentle in all that she does.
Adorning the inward part
She trusts the Lord with all her heart
She is a woman of beauty!
She is a woman of beauty!

~*~*~

There is nothing more attractive in a woman than “the unfading beauty of a gentleand quiet spirit.”But how can we nurture a serene spirit in the middle of the sometimes overwhelming demands of motherhood and home schooling?

 

“The LORD your God is w ith you... he w ill quiet you w ith his love...” Zephaniah 3:17

 

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

 

“The effect of righteousness w ill be quietness and confidence forever.” Isaiah 32:17

Sisters, I am not at all advocating that a Christian woman become a silent wallflower or a doormat in her quest for inner beauty.  "Quiet in spirit" does not mean she doesn't talk -- just that she is peaceful and peaceable! We need to know when to speak up and speak out with love.  I really like Lizzie Julin's blog Submission is Not Silence.  Lizzie beautifully reminds us that our husbands need our full creative selves, the ones that God created to enrich their lives.   What do you think?  I'd love to see your comments on this!

May the Lord minister to your spirit, making you not just a mom, but a gentle woman of true and lasting beauty.Blessings,




Virginia Knowles
http://www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com/

Beating the Holiday Blues and Stress - and Other Christmas Goodies

Dear friends,

I just wrote a post for my main blog, http://www.virginiaknowles.blogspot.com/, that could just have well gone here, so I wanted to send you the link for it:   Beating the Holiday Blues and Stress

You might also like to read my newest Advent poem there: Invitation to Stillness which is for those of us who get frazzled and busy and out of sorts.

I also have a page on that blog which indexes all of my Christmas articles from all of my blogs.  You can find it here: Christmas!

Joy and peace to you and yours!
Virginia Knowles
http://www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com/

Christmas Gift Tips from Shopping to Shipping

Dear friends,

With so many children, I’ve really had to get organized when it comes to buying, storing, and shipping Christmas gifts. Here are several miscellaneous tips:

Ask each family member to write a Wish List.  Then have them mark each item whether it is "gotta have", "would be great" or "nice but not necessary". Make sure they are specific if they want a certain brand or title of something. Have them copy their final version onto an index card. Using the Wish Lists and your budget (made with your husband), write out a list of what you plan to buy or make for each one. Do each person’s list on a separate index card or notebook page. Also, list relatives and friends, and what you intend to do for them. Finally, list Christmas extras, such as outdoor lights, craft supplies, etc. Estimate prices and add it all up to make sure you won’t go over budget. Allow some buffer for special deals, bad estimates, forgotten items, etc. Then make a list of items for each store that you intend to visit.


Make a Christmas shopping organizer for your purse. Take a manila file folder and open it up so that the crease goes vertically up the middle. Now fold about four inches of the bottom edge up so that makes a pocket. Tape the edges of the pocket on the left and right hand sides. Next, fold the left side in almost half way, and do the same with the right side. Now you have a four panel pocket folder that will probably fit in your purse. Use one section for Wish List index cards, another section for your Shopping Plan index cards, another section for Coupons and Ads and the final section for Receipts. As you buy things, you can check them off your list and add them to a running total.


Wear an extra large hip pack on your shopping trips. This takes stress off your shoulder (if you usually wear a purse) or reduces risk of theft (if you usually leave it in your cart or on your stroller). I like the hip pack because it keeps my hands free for dealing with purchases, packages and children.


If at all possible, go shopping without your children. If you don’t have a teenager or nearby relative who can babysit for you, try arranging with another mom to trade childcare for a few hours at a time. When you do go shopping with children (like when THEY are doing some shopping), remember that stores are very busy and that there may be criminals lurking about waiting for an opportunity to snatch a child. Keep your young ones with you!


Christian books, music and videos make excellent holiday gifts since they can encourage someone in the faith. I have always done a major chunk of my shopping at Christian bookstores, especially using discount cards or coupons.  If you want to get great Christian stuff for a good price on-line, try Christian Book Distributors. 


When you get your goodies home, you have to store them out of sight and out of reach! I label a large paper bag for each family member (either a grocery bag or an old gift bag), open it up so that it stands by itself, and put it on my closet shelf. When needed, I can take it all down and see what I have and what I still need.  I've also been known to stash Christmas presents in a large plastic (not clear) bin in my closet, which is strictly off-limits in December.

When it's time to wrap, work in piles.  If you have several children, you might need to check and be sure you have an equitable amount of gifts per child.  We don't spend huge amounts of money on our kids -- maybe $25 per child -- but I do try to get each of the younger ones several things, even if some of them are from the dollar store.  So some of them may have less packages to open because one or two of their items are a bit more expensive.  When I have finished all of my shopping, I lock my bedroom door and get out all of the presents.  Then I start creating a pile for each child.  I make sure it all looks pretty fair, sometimes shifting an item from one child's pile to another, or deciding that two or more kids can share a larger gift like a game that needs more than one player.  Sometimes, if one child has a whole bunch of smaller items, I bundle them together.  Older siblings often help me wrap, so I just put their stuff out of sight before letting them in the room.

Establish a Christmas wrapping station stocked with paper, tape, ribbons, gift tags, scissors, etc. Give your kids lessons on how to wrap efficiently so they don’t waste too much paper. Or design your own paper and tags with finger paints or rubber stamps. Let your older children assist your younger ones with wrapping presents for Mom and Dad.  If you have bulky or unusually shaped items, try putting them in pillowcases and tying the top with a ribbon.  If you will be mailing packages, be sure to have cardboard boxes and something like bubble wrap to protect the contents.


A few words about postage: You can call the post office at 1-800-ASK-USPS or log on to the web site at http://www.usps.gov/ to find out the cost for mailing any package. You will need to know the weight in pounds and ounces (use your kitchen scale for this), your zip code and the zip code of the destination. If you stock up on lots of postage stamps ahead of time ($1, 10 cent and 1 cent), you can avoid lots of trips to the post office this way. You can also let your children practice "place value" math concepts by deciding which stamps to use. If your package contains ONLY "media", which includes bound printed matter (books, magazines, calendars, and such, but not catalogs or loose papers), audio cassettes, CDs or videos, then you can send it cheaper but may take a little longer to deliver. You must mark these packages as "MEDIA RATE." Also check the price of Priority Mail -- sometimes it costs only a few pennies more than First Class. And always be sure to allow plenty of time for your packages to get there! If the contents of your package are valuable, check into insuring it. It doesn’t cost that much extra.  Or, skip out on shipping packages entirely by ordering on-line and having them mailed directly to the recipient.


I hope these ideas help make your Christmas shopping season a little easier!

Virginia Knowles
http://www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com/

Thankfulness?

When we talk about Thanksgiving, many of us think about the day in November when we get more stuffed than the turkey. Our minds turn to all sorts of cute activities for reminding our families to “be thankful” during this time of year. But as good as this is, it falls far short. Thanksgiving is not just a holiday, but a necessary attitude for every moment of every day.

I think one of the hardest struggles for many home school moms is dealing with grumbling and whining. Wouldn’t it be quite something if we could just sit them down and give them a single lesson about contentment, and “voila!” -- our homes would instantly enter a state of bliss where our children would always cheerfully and sweetly gush their gratitude for all our efforts? We work so hard at teaching them (way beyond the 3Rs), training them (to have upstanding moral character), feeding them (hopefully healthy food) and so much more. What a rude awakening when they start to complain that “all” their friends (“even the home schooling ones!”) get to eat potato chips and Pop Tarts everyday or are allowed to watch whatever they want on TV or have their own fabulously decorated bedroom or that their mother does their laundry (all new designer clothes) for them! Or they think their school work is boring because you haven’t planned thrill-a-minute (as in “expensive” and “time-consuming”) activities every day. Or you are trying to help one child with a complicated lesson, and another one gets frustrated because you can’t help him at the exact same time. Or you patiently try to explain some concept to them, and when they still don’t get it, they vent on you. Don’t think you are the only one who faces this problem! I hear it all the time for other home school moms, and I’ve seen it in my own home. (You didn’t think we were perfect, did you?) To tell you the truth, for all our efforts, we did expect a little more credit and respect. And they SHOULD be grateful. It’s no credit to their own character if they’re not.


Notwithstanding the way they should be, I’d like to address the moms here. As I tell my children, they have responsibilities to act rightly regardless of what others are doing. And the same goes for us. No matter how our children respond to us or what their attitudes are, we need to set some things firmly in our own minds if we want to keep going and still retain our sanity.

First is that we are not home schooling to win the daily applause of our children. We are doing it because we care about how they turn out in the long run and because we have felt called to take primary responsibility for their training and education. When you are challenging someone towards excellence, it’s a very stretching experience for everyone. It goes against our human nature, which wants to be coddled and entertained and free to indulge its own desires. Our children will not always appreciate what we do -- at least not now. It’s tempting to give in to their demands and be over-permissive just to gain their approval, but that’s a trap! It’s our job as parents to set and enforce limits (see Hebrews 12:7-11). But while we should be seeking to influence their attitudes and behavior in the right direction, we must also grant them the dignity of forming their own opinions. (That’s hard for those of us who tend to be “control freaks.”) When your children approach the teen years, you know they will have to start dealing directly with God himself if they are going to go any further in the faith that we have attempted to hand down to them.


Second is that we cannot base our contentment -- our own sense of gratitude and well-being -- on either people or things, which will always disappoint us. That’s difficult to learn for those of us whose identities and images are so bound up in being home school moms. After we put all this time and energy into something, we want things to go just how we planned. In other words, “If I do this step and that and follow this character-building curriculum, my children are guaranteed to be smart, healthy, happy, hardworking, friendly reverent and perfectly obedient -- and I’ll have the reputation as a Super Saint!” Don’t get me wrong -- having great children is a very noble goal and we should try our best. But in the meantime, life goes on! As fervently as we desire to see our children mature, and as much as we rejoice when they do take a few steps in that direction, we just can’t look to them and their progress as our sole source of satisfaction and meaning in life.


The one thing that will satisfy our hungry souls is a deep and abiding relationship with our Gracious Creator. Despite our own sin, our grumbling and our shame, the Holy Father stooped to redeem us lowly ones through the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ, the only perfect child to ever walk the face of this earth. Our souls will find rest and strength in him alone. It is he who will give us the courage and endurance to keep pressing on. It is he who can open our hearts wide so we can truly be THANKFUL for his grace, no matter what is happening around us, all year long.


“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


“Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.” Psalm 27:4-5

(This post is from my archives!  It was written in November 2000.)

My Life is But a Weaving - Making Sense of the Loose Ends of Life

"My Life is But a Weaving"


My life is but a weaving
Between the Lord and me
I do not choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oftimes he weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget he sees the upper
And I the underside.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

- Author Unknown

~*~*~

I'm in the process of writing a fairly substantial article called "In the Middle of the Story" for my Hope Chest e-magazine, and it made me think of this poem. There are different versions of it, with the verses in various orders, but the message is the same. We may have lost hope in the middle of our life stories, but we don't know the endings yet. It will all make sense on the other side. Until then, be of good courage! "I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds my future!"

(If you haven't yet subscribed to the Hope Chest, which features articles on family life, spiritual inspiration, and home education, you can send any message to the automated list manager at hopechest-subscribe@associate.com.)

Many blessings,
Virginia Knowles
http://www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com/

Honesty, Respect, Leadership, and Academic Success

Honesty, Respect, Leadership, and Academic Success

by Virginia Knowles

Dear friends,

Recently, my husband Thad and I went to see a humorous presentation by a home school dad who travels the country to talk about family life.  I had promoted the event on Facebook and my local home school list so now I want to follow up with several clarifying comments.   Though I enjoyed and appreciated much of what he said, I am still uneasy with many facets of his message and how it will affect those who listened.  I realize his limitations in being able to fully develop his reasoning in such a brief hour or so, especially in a comedy format.  So it might be that we actually agree on what I'm going to say here.  I would just hope in the future that he might be able to tweak his routine so it doesn't come across as it did.  Another veteran home school mom who saw him the night before in a different city said she had to apologize to a new home school mom for the picture he presented of family dynamics, and other moms who were there the same night that I was have shared with me the same concerns.  I too, feel a need to offer my own perspective to balance out what he (along with other popular home school leaders) have taught.

The thing that bothered me most was his implication, via an analogy about a dog sled team, that a wife's duty is to follow her husband's leadership even if he is going the wrong direction out of disobedience to God.  I agree that a wife should not be contentious or domineering in a marriage, however, the Biblical mandate and example is that we must obey God rather than man, even if the command is given by otherwise legitimate authority (Acts 5:27-29).  A wife must never act against her own God-given conscience, even if she is under pressure from her husband.  After all, in Acts 5:1-11, Sapphira was held accountable (to the point of instant death) when she cooperated in her husband Ananias's deceit.  Besides, a Christian wife is not a sled dog panting down the snowy path.  She is an intelligent, creative, spiritually aware human being who can talk with her husband and explain what she is thinking.  She can search the Scriptures, pray to her Heavenly Father, get outside counsel to help her sort through the issues, and then reason with her husband.  And she can take a stand if need be.

Closely related to this, I was also rankled by the speaker's extended insistence that a wife should not offer any correction to her husband if he happens to do something wrong while he is trying to help out with housework or home schooling, discipline the children, or lead the family.  After all, his tender male ego will be offended and then he will never want to try to help or lead again.  He likened the husband to a puppy whose nose gets whacked and then doesn't want to venture out of hiding again. While I certainly agree that a wife should be grateful about her husband's efforts, and not expect him to do things just as she would have done them herself, I am rather disappointed at his bleak estimation of a husband's ability for maturity in the face of honest correction.  There are times when a wife needs to share her differing perspective with her husband, and he needs to take it like a man.  (If we cave in to someone else's childish tantrum and selfish demands without addressing this problem, we are actually showing them disrespect because we are coddling them like a child who can't help it, rather than an adult who has the capability for mature reasoning.) Whether it is a husband or a wife offering correction to a spouse, there are very different approaches to how this can be done.  The dysfunctional way to do this is, "You are wrong.  You blew it.  I'm really offended.  You are such a stupid jerk that you need me to tell you exactly how you messed up and exactly how you should do it next time so you can get a life and I can be happy."   Ouch!   OK, so we might not use those specific words (I hope!) but that's what can be implied even in our tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, sarcasm and loaded language.  The overall effect is disapproval, manipulation, alienation, and bitterness.  The attacked spouse will likely want to do just the opposite of what he or she is told to do just out of defensive reaction, thus escalating the conflict even more.  But that is such a faulty model of correction!  That's probably the kind of response the speaker was addressing that night, but that doesn't mean that correction is bad.  Here is an alternative that is so much more healthy, grace-filled and edifying: "I respect you so much as a person, that I know you are capable of handling an honest discussion of some issues that are causing conflicts in our relationship.  We can talk this out as adults, face the unpleasant facts with dignity, and come up with mutually agreeable solutions.  Neither of us needs to pull rank or play the victim.  I am not necessarily saying that you are wrong or that you have sinned, but that I have a different opinion which I would like for you to take into account."   Wow!  We can all live with that!  Sure, it takes effort, restraint, and creativity to speak like this, but the overall effect is an affirmation of the relationship and a respect for the other person, who will then be more likely to want to cooperate and make it work. 


My third area of concern is the speaker's portrayal of wives as both fickle and emotionally fragile.  He joked that they will ask their husbands for advice about petty things like which socks to wear and then do the exact opposite.  Blech!  Even though it was meant to be funny, that was still a demeaning comment and he did nothing to offset that attitude.  Then, according to him, 100% of home school moms feel like they are failing at what they do.  He was trying to encourage moms that they are just what God designed, that each mom is just perfect for her own children.  I appreciate his attempts to bolster our confidence and trust God's plan for our families.  However, in his manner and words, he seemed to be implying that because our personalities are the way they are, there is not much need to change our style of motherhood in response to how things are going in our families.  He thinks we just need to be pumped up with generic praise.  Yet very often, we do cause our children to stumble by not being flexible, not breaking out of ourselves and our way of doing things.  We all need to grow -- and to grow up!   As a mom, I can't just excuse my shortcomings because, "That's just the way I am, so get over it!" 

On the other hand, contrary to his dismal estimation of a mom's self-esteem level, there are many of us who justifiably believe we are doing a decent enough job of home schooling and mothering.  We've seen the fruit.  We've had a measure of success.   We know we're not perfect.   We are aware of our problems. We're looking for ways to improve, but we're also content with how far we've already come. We gratefully see the grace of God at work, which gives us renewed confidence for the journey.   In contrast, some moms do feel completely inadequate and think they are ruining their kids.   Maybe they are, maybe they aren't.  We can't just offer the blanket affirmation, "You are all doing a terrific job just because you're doing it!"  That's not necessarily true.  Some moms have botched it and need to be challenged to get with it.  Yet there are so many who are doing fine but don't realize it.  They need a boost of encouragement.  Perhaps they are being nitpicked and criticized by their husbands.  In this case, the negative self-image is externally inflicted by unrealistic expectations from someone who should be understanding and encouraging, rather than selfishly demanding perfection. Or perhaps these moms are comparing themselves to friends or mentors or nebulous cyber-Super-Mommies who seem to have it all together in every way.  (None of us do.  Certainly not me!  But I'm quite OK with being "here" and then moving forward in faith.)   Perhaps their theology is the "worm mentality" when they learn to distrust their own thoughts, dismiss their own success, and never ever give themselves permission to feel like they are doing OK.  After all (as the pious mantra goes) our hearts are all deceitfully wicked and full of sin.  It seems more holy to be down in the dumps about ourselves, but that is not humility or honesty.  If God is at work in our lives, then there are good things happening.  We  don't need to be consumed with nagging guilt or feelings of inadequacy.  Whatever happened to being more than conquerors with Christ?

A final area of concern that I want to address is what to do about a child who is struggling in school subjects.   The speaker portrayed children as seeds who grow up into certain kinds of plants.  For example, one of your children might be great at reading but struggle in math, while another might be a math whiz but "flunk" at phonics.  He would explain that that is just the way they are, just the way they were designed. (This is similar to his view of moms, I think.)  So, if your child is pitching fits when you sit down to do math and you both end up screaming every day, that supposedly means he just isn't a math person and there is little you can do about it.   The speaker says that since your relationship is so much important than math, you should just quit doing math!  He did jokingly acknowledge that this shouldn't be permanent, but that disclaimer didn't seem to do it justice in the context.  Maybe I'm being too picky with his blend of humor and serious advice.  Nonetheless, it brings up an important discussion point, especially since I've heard the same line of reasoning elsewhere.  I agree that it is unwise to push full steam ahead with academics when the parent-child relationship has broken down, but I truly can't stand to see academics pitted against character/relationship matters, like you have to pick between them.  I have actually heard Christian home school parents piously proclaim that "academics are optional"!  They are not!  Given all the resources that we have at our fingertips, there is simply no excuse for neglecting basic academics.   We must pursue excellence in all that God has called us to do, not just those things which are innately more spiritual.  This is not an either-or situation anyway.  There are other vital factors to consider.  First is that this child might need a different approach to match his learning style.  What worked with the last child -- or what fits your own nature teaching style -- might not work with this one.  It's not so much a matter of one not being born for math success, but of needing a custom-tailored strategy for his own unique brain wiring.  This might include hands-on manipulatives, rote memorization, drawing diagrams, doing practical word problems or projects, or switching to a workbook that is more visually appealing rather than having to copy problems from a non-consumable text.  Or perhaps the pace is too rushed.  In this case, you just need to s-l-o-w down and patiently go over it again and again rather than quitting.   Slow and steady wins the race, says the tortoise to the hare... It could be that your own unrealistic expectations about how fast the child should proceed are backfiring by robbing him of the confidence that he can do it.  If he can't seem to please you, he may quit trying.  The other key thing to consider -- after you have adjusted the learning style and pace -- is that the child might be lazy, and is manipulating you to get out of doing the work.  Or he may be resistant and trying to get back at you for offending him in some other area.  If you give up too quickly, you are letting him get away with poor character.  So, OK sure, put the math lesson off for a little while so you can have a heart-to-heart talk about attitudes and behavior, and so you can reevaluate your approach to teaching.  But then get back in there with renewed determination and plug away at it, working on the relationship as you work on the math.  In this way, academics becomes the very workshop where you can build character.  It's a win-win situation.

I could write more, but that's enough for now without my brain exploding.  If you want to read more, however, I already have several other blog posts that you can explore…

Family Dynamics:

• Help for Hurting Marriages Do you have the boldness and grace as a wife to address the problems in your marriage?
• Cherishing Your Marriage Explore the safeguards of foundation, priority, respect, forgiveness, communication, purity, and stewardship.
• Child Discipline or Child Abuse? When does a wife need to speak up?

Overcoming Discouragement: 

• It Became to Me a Dark Thing - a poem about spiritual darkness caused by religious shame -- and recovering your grace and joy
• ADD and Me?  We'll Manage! even a mom with symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder can make the best of it!
• Joyful Liberty!  How to avoid sin-focused legalism and walk with confidence as a home school mom

Home Schooling Success: 

• Problem Solving in Your Home School What to do about the challenges of Academic Struggles, Distracted Child, Poor Relationship with Parent,  Resistant or Lazy Attitudes, Lack of Confidence, Bickering Children, or Overwhelmed Mom.
• Choosing Your Approach to Home Education: Where Are You Coming From?  Determine how your own educational experiences and your child's personality and learning style affect your home schooling success.