Time -- and Time Again!

Dear friends,

In the last post, I featured my 10 minute video called Talking About Time which provided a simple framework for time management. In this edition, my topic is Time--and Time Again which is another look at time. The Greeks had at least two words for time, chronos, which is more quantitative and measurable, and kairos, which is more about being aware of the opportunities that each moment brings.

What I didn't specify in my story about waiting was that it was 70 minutes before I got my groceries from Walmart curbside pickup, and as you may remember, that was the second time I had tried that day! Phew! Usually it's just a few minutes!

In this video, I mentioned the book Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life by Anglican priest Tish Harrison Warren.

And before I go, I wanted to let you know I have another video post ready to go too, this one on Brainstorming and Problem Solving -- or how I keep my sanity when setting up for Zoom calls and video production with my phone. 

Until next time,

Virginia Knowles

Lessons for Me at 56

Lessons for Me at 56

I turned 56 last weekend! My birthday wasn’t much hoopla coming the day after my daughter’s wedding and a few days after a near miss with Hurricane Dorian. I enjoyed going out to lunch with four of my kids, and tomorrow night I’ll have a belated birthday dinner with another daughter’s family. Besides that, I think what I really enjoyed was all of the Facebook greetings from friends and family near and far. I also loved editing and uploading wedding photos. I'll do a blog post with those later, when the professional ones are officially in. The picture at the top of this post was at my friend Sunny's house after she did my hair and makeup for the wedding. Love it!

I’m learning so much at 56. I always do, at any age. I don’t ever want to be closed off, stagnant. I always want to be able to say, “This Mom grows up!” like the title of this blog. So, in that spirit, here are some things I’m personally musing about. Let’s start with what I posted on FB in the wee hours of my birthday:

It’s midnight and officially my 56th birthday. Here’s my thought tonight: figure out what you think is a worthy goal, what’s really most important to your life. Then go for it - and try to work all the other things around it. I think you may be amazed at how everything can fit together with prayer, planning, preparation, patience, and partnership. Another thing: situations can change for you unexpectedly, serendipitously. Be open to new possibilities, new goals, new adventures. We can’t always see the end from the beginning. What we can do is choose to move forward through little and big decisions every day.

When we are living authentically, we are free to take risks and offer ourselves outward. We can walk with joy and confidence. I loved the sermon that Father Tom preached the day after my birthday. He stood near the pulpit holding a fish bowl with water, a fake plant...and no fish. His kids had recently had a beta fish in it, but beta fish don’t play well with others. So they live by themselves in a little glass bowl until they die. And too many of us are just like that, isolated and self-protective within the walls we build to keep others out and keep our own stuff to ourselves. We need to get out of the bowl and experience the abundant life that God intended for us as his disciples - giving ourselves away for the kingdom in the big world outside our doors.

I wish I'd gotten a picture of my pastor with the fishbowl, but maybe this will get the same concept across. I took my daughter to the zoo the other day. We were in the herpetarium building with the reptiles. Turning the corner to the copperhead snake enclosure, I was so startled to see this instead: a man with a paintbrush in this hand, sitting wedged in behind the glass, working in rather cramped quarters. Good thing there was no snake in there with him, but I'll bet it felt good to get out of there and go on with his day!

Just that morning, I'd taken my teen son to school and stopped at Red Bug Lake Park on the way home. I love to get out in nature and see the beauty of God's handiwork along the boardwalk and the pond there. Such infinite variety, all dwelling together in the same habitat. We humans, though so different from one another, dwell together too. Thinking of this, as well as Tom's sermon, I know we are all created for connection in some way. Yet each of us connects differently due to our own unique personalities. This can be so tricky, but we can learn to respect the dignity and liberty of others, to value and honor them in a way that’s good for them and good for us. It takes patient communication to clear up mixed signals and work out misunderstandings.

Imagine then, how I was struck by these sentences yesterday morning when I read Dallas Willard’s Knowing Christ Today as an assignment for my seminary class Gospel Catechesis:

"We may wish to be loving—to be kind and helpful in our relations to those near us. But we do not trust love, and we think it could easily ruin our carefully guarded hold on life. We are frightened of the world we are in, and that makes us angry and hostile, and contempt makes it easier to harm or disregard the good of others…. It takes little intelligence to know that to live in love is the morally good and right way to live. But entering into and growing in love—actually being it and doing it in the context of real life—is quite another matter. Many misunderstandings of what love is have to be worked through before one can come to peace in it. Evil has a vested interest in confusing and distorting love. Above all, one has to find by thought and experience that love can be trusted as a way of life... Love is not God, but God is love. It is who he is, his very identity. And our world under a God like that is a place where it is safe to do and be what is good and what is right. Living in love as Jesus defines it by his words and deeds is the sure way to know Christ in the modern world. On the other hand, if you are not reconciled to living in love as the center of your life, and actually living that way, any knowledge you may have of Christ will be shallow and shaky at best.” 

And so we love sincerely, even when it means putting ourselves out there not knowing what will happen next. We can genuinely care for others, open our hearts and hands without agenda or expectation. We extend ourselves in friendship. We make the connections, even when it’s complicated. 

Can I tell you how much it means to me that others have done this for me? That others are willing to stay in it with this quirky middle-aged single mom of many: listening well, making space, offering their insight and inspiration with integrity - that is such a gift. I don't always get to see people face to face, but phone, email, Facebook Messenger, and texts all work well enough for me when I can't talk in person. I love the ongoing conversations, a little snippet here, a little snatch there, that turn into so much. 

My sister, dad, teen and adult kids, and several sweet friends have all blessed me just in the past few days. My friend Karen messaged me this morning that she was giving me a Spiritual Middle Name: Resilience. I'll take that! 

Resilience! Yes!

A few days ago, I jotted in my journal some encouraging thoughts related to resiliently navigating through life.

Let your life unfold in God’s time. Enjoy the process. Life is like a game of chess. (What I meant here is that we lose some pieces of ourselves, and move around in unexpected ways, sometimes feeling cornered. We may or may not even win this match. But still we play. Which brings to mind another phrase that’s been rattling around in my mind: “Play hard or go home.”) 

Whatever happens, real life holds incredible blessings better than any fairy tale. You can live in God’s embrace. 

You will learn and grow into genuine maturity. You will earn trust and respect.

You have so many things to do in life right now, and some of them will prepare you for the future in the areas where you are not yet ready.

Your life is incredibly complicated. Honor that. Identify the obstacles that are keeping you from moving forward with your goals, and start to dismantle and disentangle them. It needs to be done anyway.

In what ways are you prepared to sacrifice? What are you willing to cut back or give up to reach your goals? How do you prudently practice self-care? How do you need to change your habits?

Keep praying boldly, with an open and devoted heart, fully yielded to God.

Take the long view. Your life is an epic novel, not a short story. 

And that last one is so true. I don't know what's coming in the next chapters of my life throughout and beyond my seminary years. It may be beautiful. It may be painful. It may be both at the same time. Bittersweet.

My sweet mother had been planning a trip to Europe with my father, and wanted to be able to travel comfortably. So she had back surgery in 2013, but died from a  MERSA infection that she contracted in the hospital. I miss her so much. I determined to live my life well, and do some of the things she loved to do. A few years later, I traveled to Switzerland and Paris with my daughter when she was presenting at a mental health conference in Geneva. My mother had also taken each of my first eight children on a trip of their choice when they were around 12 or 13. My ninth child was ten when Grandma passed away, but I promised him he'd get a "Grandma trip" anyway. He finally flew to New York City this morning with one of his travel-loving older sisters. I drove them to the airport and then stopped at Cracker Barrel on the way home just because I love their gift shop. I can always find something there to beautify and inspire my day. I bought this candle and mug as belated birthday presents for myself. For all things I can give thanks! I can enjoy every little thing and I am clothed with strength & dignity so I can laugh without fear at the future. Can I get an amen to that?

Thanks for reading this! I'd love to hear what you think!

You might enjoy posts I've written on my other blogs recently, as well as several of my poems related to the themes in this post.

Recent posts:

• Travel 2019: Maryland, Pennsylvania, DC, Virginia - spending time with my dad and sister in MD, organizing and attending a reunion for my mother's family in PA, falling off of a waterfall, touring the Museum of the Bible in DC, and visiting my aforementioned friend Karen in VA
• Simple Woman's Daybook, September 2019 - a hurricane, a wedding,  starting my new seminary semester, and decorating for autumn all in the same week!
• Give Me Ears to Hear, Eyes to See, a Heart to Love - enjoying the beauty of another nature path and simultaneously musing about caring for those who have been abused instead of loved
• How Do I Juggle It All? - confessions of the crazy single mom of 10 who home schools, works, goes to seminary, and tries to tame the messes 

Related poems:

• Your Kindness Gave Me Courage
• Pilgrimage and Jubilee (from my 50th birthday)
• Disentangle 
• The Harp in the Willow
• Shimmer and Shadow
• This is Where I Am in Time
• Lift Up Your Head and Laugh

Grace and peace and love to all of you,

Virginia Knowles

www.ThisMomGrowsUp.blogspot.com

Focus (One Word)

OK, so it's only been like, what, eight and a half months since I posted on this blog? Eek! Oh well! That's life! There's only so much I can do sometimes.

But here I am. 

It's now February 2018, and back at the end of December, I thought about my new "one word" for the year.

FOCUS.


Because that's what I need to do. Focus.

I have a lot of growing up to do - as the title of this blog suggests - and so much progress to make in areas where I've been lacking. I need to sit down and take a good hard look at what I still want to do in this life, where I want to go on this journey I'm on. This takes planning and preparation and productivity. And focus, of course.

To be honest, this morning I had a hard time focusing. I was tired and stressed and had a headache. It took effort to move forward with the day. After I returned from running errands and eating a little breakfast, I tackled the dishes and other basic household chores. That put me in productivity mode so I could focus on creating this blog post that I've been meaning to write for a while. 

I won't be able to cover everything rattling around in my brain about this, but I'll write more in the coming weeks. 

For now, I'll just share a few things which remind me to stay on track.

Visual Cues

I created this framed picture by adding the word "Focus" to a photo of one of my tie dye creations. Focus encompasses creativity, too, not just dry logistics.

This large montage reminds me of what areas need my attention this year. I listed several key words for each one.

 

I also created my own calendar on Snapfish. I thought of several Scripture passages that I felt would be powerful encouragement toward focusing my life. I used The Message paraphrase since it's poetic, and I paired the verses with some of my nature photos from the year. Here is my February page.

For my front hallway, I just created my new chalkboard design for the spring season. As a visual metaphor to go with it, I set out a vintage Polaroid camera and its case. They belonged to my late Grandpa Quarrier in the 1970's.

Apps & Planners

In my last post on this blog, The (Unexpected) Ritual of My Daily Do List, I shared about how I had stopped using apps for planning, and was using a Daily Do sheet that I had designed. That worked well for many months, but then it didn't anymore. A few weeks ago I replaced a malfunctioning phone, and when I set up the new one, I decided to give the gTasks app another try. I'm glad I did. I also switched from the default Apple Calendar app to the Google Calendar app. 

gTasks app

Google Calendar app

However, even with the apps, I'm still using a paper planner as a backup. Writing things down physically helps me remember them, and it's also helpful as a backup for when I accidentally delete an event from my phone calendar. The book on the right is my planner, and the one on the left is a journal with writing prompts and beautiful illustrations.

What I really like about this planner, which I bought at Walmart, is that for each weekly page spread, there is an extra lined page for writing whatever is needed. Monday and Tuesday are my high productivity days since my home schooled daughter is in classes, so I can do a more detailed to do list for them on this lined page.

(This was actually my second attempt at using a paper planner this year. I bought a much more complicated loose leaf system at Michael's Crafts, but it was confusing and overwhelming to me with all kinds of different pages. This new one shown above is much more doable for me.)

Books

I recently purchased several books on focus, planning, brain boosting, and financial management at our library's used bookstore. Please note that I haven't read them yet so I can't exactly recommend them, but for less than a dollar a piece, I figured I couldn't go to far wrong grabbing a pile. Perhaps I'll be sharing some of what I read in future posts!

Lectio Divina Study

So many lovely people have taken their time to help me learn vital skills and to grow as a human being. Besides my own family, I have a circle of friends, both on-line and IRL (in real life) who have been priceless. 

I recently joined a Bible study that my friend Patricia is leading each week at a local church. Connecting with a small group of women there has been such a gift. The study style - Lectio Divina - helps develop focus, too. It's not a teacher imposing her own opinions on a subject for everyone else to hear. Instead, we carefully listen as Patricia reads the Scripture passage three times slowly. We try to be attentive to what God wants us to take into our hearts from the passage, reflecting on the words and phrases, and then jot this down in silence. This is called Meditatio. Then we write a prayer based on this, which is Oratatio. Third, for Contemplatio, we write down how we plan to apply the truths and ideas this week. After this, we briefly share our thoughts and pray for each other. Later on at home, I spend a more extended time with the same passage, perhaps making a list or an outline, or reading it in another version. This practice - or spiritual discipline - helps me to focus better on God's word, which in turn brings clarity to my life and decisions.

And now I'll just leave you with some links to other posts.

Some of my earlier "One Word" posts:

• Strength
• Forward
• Refresh

Two other related posts on this blog:

• Pull It Together and Push It Through: How to Get It Done When You Think You Can’t
• Smile. Focus. Begin.

Recent-ish posts from my other blogs... 

What About Privilege, Justice, and Social Responsibility? 

God of Joy, I See Thee

Mutual by Design 2017 Christians for Biblical Equality Conference and No Little Women

A Homeschool Hangout Day

Can't we all use a little more encouragement as moms? Sure thing!

On Saturday, my friend Hannah hosted her first Homeschool Hangout at her home. Our mutual friend Jennifer and I agreed to come share about different topics. We didn't really advertise much, other than on Facebook, and weren't sure how many ladies to expect. Two other women, Angie and Colleen, joined us.

Jenn (seated on the right) shared about taking field trips in Florida. She blogs at Jenn on Safari and recommends these sites for getting the best travel deals:

• www.Hotels.com
• www.Restaurant.com
• www.Groupon.com
• www.LivingSocial.com

I talked about my home schooling and mothering journey, discernment of issues in the larger home schooling movement, gentle mothering, and flexible education (especially the Charlotte Mason approach). 

You can see some of my previous posts on these topics here:

• Tender Compassion for Mothers
• Joyful Liberty!
• Charlotte Mason Approach

I also showed them my vision board and gratitude journal. (More on those in an upcoming post, I promise!)

I had two extra vision boards to give away, as well as a basket full of goodies to pass along like the new Third Day worship CD Lead Us Back, journals, art supplies, emoji cups, a mug, and more. I still have some left over for next time!

Hannah finished out the day talking about nature study while we enjoyed tea and treats.

~ a child's nature journal ~

~ show and tell ~

~ nature tote for their car ~

art supplies, binoculars,
field guides, clip boards,
so much more!

Jenn got so excited about all
of the vintage and new books
which Hannah showed us,
that she started ordering them
online immediately with her phone!

Wild Orange Spice tea,
just right for me!

We all had an amazing day. Jenn and Hannah and I are already plotting another Hangout for summertime at Jenn's house, which is larger and more centrally located. We loved having such a small group for our first Hangout, but we'll be sure to advertise more next time. We love to encourage others toward excellence and wholeness as moms!

Blessings,

Virginia Knowles

The Power of a Smile

My smiling scarecrows make me smile every time I pull up in front of my house.

And it makes me think of the power of a smile.

A smile and a kind word can change the course of a day.

Starting a morning for a sleepy child: "Good morning, sunshine!"

Defusing a conflict. A softened face, a warm smile, and, "Let's start this over, OK?"

A wave and smile across the street to a neighbor or even a stranger. You never know what a difference it will make.

A smile and a thank you (along with their name - people love to hear their names spoken kindly) to a store clerk or one who is sweeping the aisles and stocking the shelves. 

To the scraggly homeless precious one on the street corner, a welcoming smile and a warm word, along with a sandwich and a cup of coffee.

To the struggling teen an understanding smile and a, "What can I do to help?"

A smile can change someone's or whole life. You just might be the missing link to joy.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. –Phyllis Diller

A smile confuses an approaching frown. – Author Unknown

A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” – Denis Waitley

If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.” – Les Giblin

People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile. –Lee Mildon

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. – Author Unknown

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” –Charles Gordy

A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you’re at home.” – Author Unknown

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” – George Eliot

A laugh is a smile that bursts. – Mary H. Waldrip

Smile – sunshine is good for your teeth. – Author Unknown

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. – Author Unknown

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” –Mother Teresa

A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. –Washington Irving 

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. – Charles Reade

A smile is the universal welcome. – Max Eastman

Keep smiling – it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to. – Author Unknown

You’re never fully dressed without a smile. – Martin Charnin

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. – Janet Lane

All the statistics in the world can’t measure the warmth of a smile. – Chris Hart

If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile. – Author Unknown

Smile – it increases your face value. – Author Unknown

Peace begins with a smile. – Mother Teresa

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. – Author Unknown

Most smiles are started by another smile. – Author Unknown

A smile is something you can’t give away; it always comes back to you. – Author Unknown

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. – Author Unknown

It takes a lot of work from the face to let out a smile, but just think what good smiling can bring to the most important muscle of the body… the heart. – Author Unknown

(Quotes found here.)

And it's been said, a smile can save a life! At Australia's worst suicide spot, one man saves lives with a kind smile and a cup of tea

So smile already!

Virginia

This post is part of my Autumn Grace 2015 series.

See also: Your Kindness Gave Me Courage

Super Summer #3: A Little Bit of This and That

Dear friends,

Happy Sunday! It's "a little bit of this and that" in this week's Super Summer post.

Do you like sleeping in? So do I when I can get away with it! I think I went a little overboard one day last week, though. On Friday, I posted on Facebook:

I think this is the first time I have slept in until 11 and woken up with no idea it was so late. I had to Google "what time is it" to confirm that no one had changed my iPhone time. I thought it was around 9, which is still way late for me to get up. 

Ha! So I was feeling under the weather for a few days and my sleep schedule got really odd. Last night I crashed around 8 PM. At least I woke up before 7 AM, and I had a lovely quiet morning. Yes, I'm feeling better.

Since I had some extra time before leaving for church, I decided to putter around at my desk. This may seem like an obsession since I've blogged about it so often, but since I am such a word person, any place that gives me unfettered access to reading and writing is a sweet spot for me.

My daughter Lydia recently snitched my desk lamp because something was wrong with our ancient piano lamp. I found a replacement in Walmart a few days ago, a blue clamp lamp to attach to the shelf of my hutch. The blue matches the stuff in that corner of the room quite nicely. Two other benefits: since it's up higher, it distributes the light in a wider beam - and - it doesn't take up any space on the desk.


The only problem is that the clamp wouldn't fit on the shelf if I kept all of my notebooks there. At first I just shifted the bulky notebooks over and put some smaller books there. That looked odd, though, so today I reorganized the whole shelf. I realized that all of those notebooks gave my shelf a heavy visual impression right at my eye level. I took them off and put them on another bookcase. Then I culled through all of the books on that desk shelf and pulled out ones I'm not interested in using any time soon.

I filled the wide empty spot on the shelf with other books that I've been meaning to read on various subjects. Maybe with them right in front of me, I'll get to them faster. The shelf looks so much nicer anyway. It has a lighter, more delicate feel to it.

The picture on the left was taken in March, and the one on the right, today.

One thing I pulled off my shelf while going through books today was the spring edition of Somerset Life. This quarterly journal is published by the same folks (Stampington) as Bella Grace, which I mentioned near the bottom of this Simply Spring post: Pretty and Practical Again. They aren't cheap, but I bought this copy thinking I'd get double use out of it by passing it on to one of my creative daughters. Now that I know where it is again, I'll take another good look at it and then it shall be sweet parting. Good to share!


As I flipped through Somerset Life this morning, I saw a page spread about decorating your desk using tea cups to hold small items.

That wouldn't work for me (that's what my desk drawers are for!), but I did think more about making my sweet spot even more delicate looking. I switched out my pen & pencil container (a big white mug) and replaced it with a flowered container from my dresser.

Then I retrieved a few things from my night table that I bought at Biltmore Estate two weeks ago. (See my photo posts: Biltmore Estate and The Gardens at Biltmore Estate.) I placed the bird coaster and the miniature blue and white vase on my hutch shelf.

Back to Biltmore for a moment. Since you can't take pictures of the interior of the house, I bought their book Biltmore: An American Masterpiece. I'm not sure how much of a design inspiration it can be for me, since Biltmore is the largest mansion in the USA and I have a cottage budget and cottage dreams, but hey...

On to other topics!

This past week, after a yummy (and probably fattening) vacation, I decided to cut out sugar again. I wrote last year about this here: A Change in My Eating Habits. I did really well for about three months, but then... Christmas. Oops. I said I would just eat sweets for a couple of weeks, but then I didn't stop. I wasn't eating as much, but little bits led to more. So I quit again several days ago. But then... Cheesecake Factory. So I figured, maybe I'll just commit to having something sweet only twice a month. I guess we'll see how that goes.

There are sugar alternatives, though. I visited my friend Jessica on Wednesday and brought no-sugar-added Klondike bars. They do have some sugar from the milk, but that's on my OK list. I also brought her some potted flowers as a little get well present. They went perfectly with the Independence Day decor that she still had on her table. We had such a lovely "chat" as she called it, but in reality we had more like a six hour conversation about everything under the sun - politics (which I hate), current news headlines, home schooling, family life, nutrition, ministry, yada yada. It seemed like five minutes. That's what kind of friend she is. I think we both came to the conclusion that what both church and culture need is less of religion and more of Jesus.

Which reminds me...

It's July 12, and though I'm not sure of the exact day, I think it's been 39 years today since this took place: My Story of Liberty in 1976. Once you read that, you'll get why it's related to this one that I posted last July: Hess Family Memorial Reunion 2014.

Also July 12, according to my news feed this morning, is the birthday of King Robert Bruce of Scotland (1274-1329), who is supposedly one of my ancestors. I love the legend and poem about the lesson of perseverance that he learned from a spider. I wrote about using them while teaching English class here: Medieval Legends and King Robert Bruce.

Other posts on my blogs from just this past week:

• Disentangle poem (My sister linked it on a major knitting discussion board which brought a good bit of traffic, though I'm not a knitter and it's not so much about that. It's one of my favorites.)
• Watauga Lake in Tennessee - another photo post on my North Carolina trip series
• Peace Be With You (a wee 43 word meditation)
• Top 20 Very Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Struggling a guest post by Susan Moore for my domestic violence series

And a few great mama articles by blogger Sarah Mae:

• How Gentleness Makes Our Children Great by Sarah Mae
• Dear Me: I Think It's Time You Clean Your House by Sarah Mae - so I'm not the only one! Phew!

Grace and peace,
Virginia Knowles